Retweet, if you retweeted my last retweet.

Who wants to be a Tweelionnaire? On the show all day is Mr. Iam Jobless, and Miss Well MeToo. I am your host, ThatMerryKid and today we gon be talking about what I don’t like about twitter (#TeamiDontLike).

What is twitter? Duh? Who asked that question? Where do you live? Cos I’m following two of the three bikers from Mars, and that weird babe that said she was from Pluto, well, she’s following me back. Even the devil and some demons are on twitter sef, @DamePJonathan, @inecnigeria, etc. You don’t even know the meaning of ‘following’? sigh Let’s just say we are all friends on twitter. Well, because today’s a good day, I’d tell you what twitter is. Twitter is the ultimate. Brewed from fine barley…Sorry, Used for fine parley, twitter is the perfect social media for the average gossip, oh, person. Its a platform that integrates…blah blah blah. That little blue bird that keeps looking at you, and keeps saying ‘What’s happening’ even after you’ve told her everything, no, its not your girlfriend, that’s Twitter.

How many tweets do you have? Twenty-five! raucous laughter How many followers? Two thousand five hundred? sudden silence. Nkem! straight face I told you NOT to use Bisola’s picture as avatar. Respect the dead! sigh Well, the deed is done. How many are you following back? A hundred? One thousand DMs? iFaint. Let me see one of the DMs.

“Hey beautiful, you don’t know me but I love your avatar. You’re the trending topic of my heart, and I think we should be together beca…http://cra.zy/fella.”

In my first days on twitter, I thought TPN meant ‘The Polluted Nigger’. Well, you is wrong sometimes. #Gbagaun. Btw, D’banj and DonJazzy are following you? You be Kanye West? What are their handles sef? Umm, they are @Skibanj and @DonJJjazzy! Buhahaha! Mugu! Where were we? I have a certain disgust, which I share with half my Nigerian tweeps for ‘Odd Inner Barbie’. She was tweeting with her ‘food’ in her mouth one time and so she spelt Jega as ‘Gega’. You sef try to pronounce Jega with hot food in your mouth na. Smh. That aside, stay tuned for Nss_Headlines by 8:15.5 pm tonight! We put the poyoyo in your atutu. And the last headline for today: Man jumps from Third Mainland bridge, thinking he was going to land on Second Mainland bridge. #Dead.

Now, I absolutely love twitter. Apart from BlackBerry Messenger, it is the only other platform that allows you to vote with your keypad. I use an iPhone, and my twitter doesn’t work #WhatAboutMe. #Jonzing! Hey! Twitfight! @SexyRibadu and @MissShekherau! Exclusive feed, just follow @U_might_be_worth_it or @Gbagaun_Detectant! One follow later: Mscheww, na debate jor! Where’s that unfollow button?

PS: Promo! Promo! Promo! Free follows from @IamObj, @SokotoSultan, and @BuhariTheDon if you sell your vote, and twitpic!

Oh! Oh! Look! I’m trending on twitter. sobs I’m dead. I know I’m dead!